Wait, You Do That Too? The Habits We Thought Were Normal

Have you ever casually mentioned something you do… only for someone to stare at you like you’ve completely lost it?

In this lighter and very relatable episode, Katy and Rebecca unpack the habits, behaviors, thought patterns, and workplace “survival skills” they genuinely thought were normal for years. From rehearsing fake conversations and overexplaining emails to productivity guilt, hyper-independence, perfectionism, and needing your gas pump total to end in double zeros, this conversation quickly becomes an honest look at the behaviors so many women quietly share.

But beneath the humor is something deeper:
 Self-awareness.

Together, they explore:

•  The workplace habits women normalize in high-pressure environments 
•  Why so many people feel guilty resting or slowing down 
•  The difference between personality traits and learned survival behaviors 
•  How boundaries, reflection, and self-awareness can completely change your life 
•  Why growth doesn’t have to come with shame 

This episode is funny, honest, self-reflective, and guaranteed to leave you saying:
 “Wait… I do that too.”

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the No Filter, No Apologies podcast with Rebecca Sachs and Katie Shapiro.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

So there are certain moments in life where you suddenly realize something you thought was completely normal might actually not be normal at all. And we're not talking about serious or clinical things here. We mean the weird little habits, reactions, coping mechanisms, and thought patterns that so many of us just accepted as our personality for years. Like rehearsing conversations in the shower, feeling guilty while resting. That is a one that is very near and dear to both of us. And the funny part is so many women do these things thinking they're the only one. So today's episode is a little lighter, more conversational, and honestly very relatable because we're talking about the habits and behaviors we thought were not until we realized other people were doing them too. So Katie, have you ever casually mentioned something you do and someone looked at you like you were absolutely insane?

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Well one exposing my own OCDs and things. If I pump gas, I need it to end on like a multiple of five with the charge. Because in my mind, I don't want pennies in like my bank account. I don't want to look at pennies. I want to have like quarters, nickels, do you know? It makes any sense.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

I think we went to lunch together when we first started working together and you got pumped gas and you were adamant that it had to land on the two zeros. Because if it wasn't on two zeros, you were gonna lose your shit. And I I remember that now. So now when I pump gas, I'm like, it needs to be on two zeros, it needs to be at two zeros.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Oh no, that's not influence. But yeah, it's the little things like that where I'm like, hmm, you know, I'll put it, I like that to be five or so. I'm weird with my numbers. Like, if I put time on the microwave, I'll always do it in multiples of it, it has to add a one, a four, or seven. Okay. But I also I don't like the sound that the microwave makes when it beeps, so I need that extra second because I hit stop on the one and then go. And like when you say it to other people, I'm like, hold on, add an extra like my kids will be like, How long do I put these chicken nuggets in for? And I'm like, oh, 101. And they're like, Why, why is it 101? And I'm like, I don't want to explain why it's 101. Just do Don't make me explain my weirdness to you. Okay, okay. So that's definitely one of mine. It's just a little bit of my OCD. How about you?

SPEAKER_01 2:41

I'm it's funny because like uh we've had these conversations before too, that I I do a lot of my best thinking in the shower in the morning because I'm coming from working out, like my brain's going, and I have to immediately make notes after I get out of the shower, or else I forget what I was thinking about. And the older I get, the more that that happens. That if I don't write something down in the moment and I'll be like, what are we doing? Why are we here? What happened? You know, you walk into a room and you forget four times why you walk into the room, and then the fifth time you walk in, you're like, Oh yes, that's right. That's what I needed. But I I don't know if that's like I think that's just eight. I don't know if that's totally abnormal, but yeah. I bet I'm trying to think. I don't think there's anything that I've really ever said to anyone. Well, I guess this is I'm exposing myself with this one, but I still sleep with my blankie. Is that weird? When you were little? Well, it's not the same one, because the one that I had when I was little, it was pink, and it was like the silky part of one of those felt. And I used to rub it on my face when I sucked my thumb because I sucked my thumb for a very long time. And I still have that piece in my drawer next to my bed. But the blanket I have, my mom bought as like a joke for me one Christmas. It was like, here, I caught my nudie. So she's like, here, it's funny, I got in the baby section, whatever. It was like 20 years ago, but I still have that and I sleep with that.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

I had a friend when we were younger who, I guess, had a blankie, but all that was left of it was like the inner stuffing connected to a piece, and she would put it in her purse, put it in her bag everywhere we went. It was just a thing she did. Well, I was like, you better put that thing in a bag, it's gonna fall apart. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_01 4:24

When I was in college, kids used to come into my dorm room and take it and shove it in their pants and run down the hall away from me because they were jerks. I mean, Christian does he he does joking things with it now, but you know, that's the that's what happened a lot. But yeah, I think that's probably the most bizarre and weird thing that I don't know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

I've been working from home for a very long time and it's been years and years now. And if I was having a bad day or I felt like, you know, I'm just really pissed off now, and I I'm not, I don't have good energy right now, I would run and take like a quick body shower. And then I'd come out, and I remember one of my coworkers, I was like, Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Cole. I hopped in the shower real quick. I had to wash the negative energy off of me. And he was like, What? I told him, and it was like he would laugh because I would be like, Don't call me, I'm running to go take a shower. And then he told me he was like, you know, I did that one day, and I was like, I gotta reset. Like this day has just gone to shit. It's only 12 o'clock. I need to reset. He's like, I ran home because he didn't work from home. He's like, I ran home, got a shower, and I felt so much better. I was like, I'm telling you, it just resets your energy. It feels like you're restarting the day. You don't have a lot of time, you gotta do a quick one. Like, you can't, you know, be taking a long shower in the middle of work, but just give yourself a quick, quick body shower, and then you're like, ah, okay, I've washed the negative, I have exercised the demon.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

And I remember we were on a call with a vendor once, and and in the like in the middle of the call, you text, and you're like, I need a shower immediately. Because it was like they were speaking another language and weren't understanding simple terms they should have understood. Yeah, we knew that was coming.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

We can't. That's how I get rid of, I just get rid of the negative energy because I can't stand sitting in negativity for too long and like, okay, complain for a minute, be frustrated for a little bit of time, and then you gotta just reset yourself. So find a way to reset. Take a sage shower. Yes. I think too, this is something I think everybody does, but we rehearse either fake arguments or we replay arguments that have happened before. Like, I'll I'll be sitting there and randomly I'll just be cooking dinner and then I'll be like, what I should have said was that I'm like, it's over. Why are you doing this?

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Yeah, I I do that a lot too, because there are things that'll come to mind like, dang, that would have been a good one to say. And yeah, like them where it hurts, right? Especially like when it's your partner too, because you know, you argue about stupid stuff a lot of times too. Yeah, I think the rehearsal rehearsing conversations, I know, especially like in work, I would rehearse conversations I would have to have with a difficult leader. Right. And then after the fact, replay it over and over in my head, like, damn, I should have said that. That would have been really good. But yeah, always forgetting in the moment, because in the moment there's there's usually high emotions of some sort because they're usually some kind of critical conversation that you're having. And so you never really remember that stuff in the moment. I mean, shit, I don't remember what half I do throughout the day in the moment, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

One or two, I think we all create new behaviors in the workplace that we think are normal, but they're really like survival skills. Yeah, absolutely. Like replaying those conversations or preparing for the difficult conversations, or you know who the players are in a meeting, so you play out what kind of questions you're gonna get from those different people, and yeah, then you talk to some other people and they just wing it and they're like, I don't do that. You what do you do? You run through it in your mind. I'm like, how do you not do that? What do you mean? Yeah, I I know people who can wing it, right?

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Depending on the topic, right? If it's something that I'm inundated in, I could totally wing it. If you're talking about everyday recruitment, fine, whatever, I don't need to necessarily prepare for that. But if there are specific things that have numbers tied to them and data, then I definitely want to prepare for that. I don't want to, yeah, I don't want to wing it.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

You don't want to just wing in. But there's some people just go in, they'll be like, hold on, let me look in my notes. And I'm like, you can't look in your notes, you have to just know it. You're kind of prepared. One thing I speaking of recruitment, so I've done this, I was raised by a teacher, so I'm gonna blame my mom. But yeah, I color code everything. Everything in my life is color-coded. I mean, folders in my drawer for things that I organized. But then when I worked in stasing, you would have different accounts, and then you had to send, like we would send 300 people sometimes in one week to one vendor. We would have to write the names on the dry erase board. And God forbid, somebody wrote a name in the wrong color. I would have to go back and fix it. And it's really funny because when I moved and I left that job, my former coworkers, my old boss, they used to purposely send me pictures of their dry erase board in just all rainbow colors. And I was like, this stresses me out. You guys are unorganized.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

Yeah, I could see that. I know, like, I know, especially being sick and working and taking a sick day, always feeling guilty about it. I know I mentioned it before on a different episode. When I worked retail, we were doing inventory one time and I was sitting down and I was counting and scanning things in. And my district manager at the time was like, You're turning green. You need to go home. And I was like, No, I feel fun. I'm gonna hit a med sick. I have like 103 fever.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

No, I do think that people feel guilty about taking PTO because I um I think companies have created that culture though, because you're awarded a certain amount of PTO, but then they build all of these rules around it. You have to submit it beforehand. And then if you're sick or you have an emergency where you have to take a sick day or something, it's unexpected, it's unplanned, you feel so much guilt around that. But I can tell you from my own experience, I would not take a sick day and I'd be like, it's just a cold. And then two weeks later, I would be like, You have bronchitis, a sinus infection, an upper respiratory infection, a double ear infection, because you just didn't take the two days of sick time that you had in the PTO to just rest and recuperate and get some medicine. It's wild that we do that.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

I think it's also a generational thing, right? Where our generation, we were just conditioned to push through and continue working no matter what. Whereas when you look at Gen Z, like if they're sick, they're calling in sick. You know, they're not gonna feel guilty about any of that because they need to take care of themselves. Where we have to take care of ourselves because if we don't, we're no good to anybody else. But at the same time, you still have that guilt and weight on your shoulders that you just can't get rid of.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Yeah. And I think though, I'm an exennial, so I've got a little bit of gen X, so I'm wean on the cusp. And I definitely have more millennial tendencies. And I see things all the time, like millennial managers just manage differently. And I know I would not take my own advice, but when I would lead people, I would be like, You're sick, don't come in, take off, the world isn't gonna end, you don't have to feel bad. And because I wouldn't want people to do that who were reporting to me, or oh, at the last minute, my kids' school decided they're gonna do some little show and I really want to go. Okay, do you have PTO? Yeah, we'll put it in. Yeah, you know, and it's such a culture shock, I think, for everybody. It is it is strange that we've adopted that fear and that guilt around taking time off.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Yeah, and especially when you most companies you are awarded more and more the longer you're there. And how many people do you know that don't take their full PTO on a regular basis? A lot of people you need to take that time, you need a break, especially once you get four weeks in a year, you should definitely take a week a quarter or a long weekend a quarter because your body needs it, your mental health, physically, mentally, emotionally. Yeah, and you need a break from the chaos.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

It ties into also, I don't know if you feel this, but when you have an empty calendar, I have seen people panic about that. If you have an empty calendar, because it's like, oh, well, if your calendar is empty, what are you working on? All of the other things. That's what I'm working on. Just because my calendar isn't filled with meaningful meetings, I'm sorry, non-meaningful meetings, doesn't mean I'm not busy. And I would always say the the week after a major launch of something or major project, it'd be like block our calendars for the week after, because inevitably there's stuff we've missed we need to catch up on. There's stuff that might go wrong with that launch, and you can't have a full calendar. And then listen, if everything works out great and you have that free time, awesome. You can reset, reorganize, really dive deep into other things you have to do, but your calendar doesn't need to be overflowing. And I think we always feel like we have to have this busy calendar. And I think we create that for kids now too.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Well, I think it's worse for kids now. I and I say it to my friends all the time because everybody I know that has children, they're constantly running. If they're in any sport, it's three nights a week and the weekends. And I'm sorry, when I was a child, we would practice one night and then have a game on the weekend. That was it. What are we doing? Why do we have to do it every day all the time?

SPEAKER_00 14:08

It doesn't make any sense. My my son was in high school football was six days a week. And my daughter is in theater. Now it is a school program, and then obviously they have performances. So there's a rehearsal season where she's there usually four days a week rehearsing. Yeah. Outside of class time. But then in the off season, she's not there after school. You know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

Yeah. I mean, and even like dancing growing up, yeah, I may have gone to dance three nights a week, but that was as I got older and what I chose to do as opposed to like when I was little, I think it was one night, maybe for two hours because I would do valet, tap, and jazz. But then as I got older, I chose to do the things that I was doing. And then when I was able to drive, I would drive to my classes as opposed to having my parents running me around. But I just feel like sports are so wild and competitive these days for kids. And I understand all the participation award and all that stuff too. But like, can't we just let them play to have fun too? Because I think it it gets way too competitive early on. Not I'm not talking high school, I'm talking teeny boppers. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

I agree with competition, you know how I feel about.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

I mean, healthy competition is good, right? But I did, but I feel like we're putting five-year-olds out there and it's just very competitive. And five-year-olds that are every night of the week having practice and then games on the weekends. And I'm just like, when do we breathe? When do take it to be kids?

SPEAKER_00 15:43

I agree with that point with like over practicing and all. I do think for that age, they should be learning to like the sport and all of that. But I also think, I mean, you know, we play a lot of games in my family. I love game nights, but we are so competitive, all of us. Yeah, my kids know it's funny, I don't think my son would mind me sharing this, but since they were little, I don't let them win. You win on your own or you lose. And that's how you learn, like since they were little. And then when you win, you you win. And we celebrate, and it's amazing. And one time I think my son was over hanging out with his girlfriend or something, and her her dad or stepdad had said, just let her win one. And he was like, What? He's like, we don't do that, yeah. Like, we'll let her win. If she wins, she wins, you know. And it's right. So I do have, I think it's important for even little kids to learn how to lose. Yes, you know, absolutely. I and I think I don't know why we we've moved to this everybody needs to feel good. You don't need to feel good about a loss. You you can feel the loss. It helps you reflect, it helps you look at what we could have done better. You know, do I want to be on a different team? Do I, whatever it might be, it helps you grow. So I don't I agree with a participation certificate at that young age because you're teaching kids. So you want them to be exciting, you want them to enjoy the sport. But I do think the kids who get first place should get the bigger trophy or or some kind of other reward so that you see, I want to win, I want that big trophy, I want the reward for that. I'm more competitive. And then you have other kids who are like, hey, baseball isn't my favorite sport, but I love coming here and hanging out with everybody and I get my participation trophy and I go. But I yeah, I don't know. The the competitive person in me is like, you must learn how to lose and learn how to win.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Yeah, and I also look, there are so many parents out there that don't want to see their kids fail, right? And so, but failure is a part of growth and a part of being able to learn how to succeed. And so if you don't have that failure growing up, then what are we teaching our children, right? But when they're still in kindergarten, we don't need to be fretting them around all the time and making them so tired that they're passing out on the way home for practice. Okay, we got a little bit off track there.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

But going back, are you the type of person who has to answer messages or emails right away, or do you make people wait? I mean, come on, Katie. Do you know who I am?

SPEAKER_01 18:19

You know I can't not reply. I have learned very much a learned behavior that like I will see emails come through on my phone, but I'm very adamant that I don't reply to them until I get to my computer because unless it's something that I can just say thank you and it's something I've been waiting on, because I want to see everything, I want to see the whole context. And if there's attachments, you can never really see them on your phone. So I I do I have learned to pause and wait until I'm in front of my computer to do that, but I do like to respond almost immediately.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

I can't stand an unnecessary back and forth. I want to, if you ask me a question, I want to give you the most thorough answer so that there aren't any more follow-up questions. Or that they're minimal, you know, that here's the information and now we got. Well, because I don't like to waste time. I think that's my thing. And I'm I'm really picky about what I feel is a valuable use of our time versus a waste of time. And I I cannot stand when people go back and forth on emails where it's like if you would have just read the first email, every link you needed was in there, every explanation, and they're not gonna keep re-engaging you. It's not a productive use of my time.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Well, and that's that's a failure on the other person, not necessarily you, right? And that's something I've seen too, where you provide all the information and then they ask this question that was in the first sentence. I'm like, and I don't do, I don't respond at that point because I'm not gonna I'm not gonna duplicate my efforts. If you really read the email or genuinely cared about the response, you go back and look at it, right? If you ask the same question that I've already covered, I don't engage.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Yeah. But I think it's funny because one of the behaviors I think that people have now is we we over, especially women, we overexplain in emails.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

And I think that's because we're always trying to justify our credibility, or we have people like that where it's I'm gonna overexplain now so that I don't have to explain to you again later. Right. Right. And then for me, I will get frustrated with you if you keep asking me the same question or you're not taking initiative. And then my responses are not kind. So I don't respond immediately. I wait until I'm like, let me think of an appropriate way to respond to this without saying, can you read the email that was sent in the first one? You know, are you having difficulty following instructions?

SPEAKER_01 20:46

This is it's so funny because some you and I previously at an organization build out a whole folder of resources for our team. And there was one person who would always come and ask me questions, and I would just give her the answer, just you know, give her the answer. And then you were like, stop giving the answers. There's resources there, stop interrupting your day. And I was like, okay, and I'd be like, you can go check the resources, you can check the resources, and then it would get to the point and be like, I know I can check the resources, but I just need this answer real quick that the person would ask for.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

And if that's a behavior that you do out something you do that other people think is crazy, I'm one of the people who think that's crazy because you're to pause somebody and go, I know I can access this information on my own, but I need it so quickly that I feel entitled to interrupt your day and your time and make you get me the information that you've already given me access to. I that is the moment where I have to pause before I respond because I will respond with I'm sorry. Are you saying that your time and your needs are more important than my time and the needs of the people that I have to serve? Because that's basically what you're telling me. Every time you do you hear yourself right now? Right, you know, that's unacceptable. That's unacceptable behavior. Take the initiative, find the information on your own. I would always, if I couldn't figure something out, I would Google it, I would see if there was like a webinar I could take, something before I really had to go to people because I'm like, I know how busy everyone is, especially right now. Companies are downsizing, people are, which means other people are absorbing that work. Take the initiative and stop leaning on that one coworker who's been there 30 years who knows everything. She's busy too.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

It's like I I also did this in my last company too. I created resources and was like here and gave a bunch of people access to it. So nobody had to bother me for it. Oh, it's in the folder. It's in the folder. Go to the folder, you can find it. And reorganized everything because, first of all, it was a hot mess, but I reorganized it so it was only filled with current information that was valid to everybody that needed it.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Yeah. Well, I think one of the funniest things about seeing these behaviors and having someone else tell you, hey, what you're doing is insane, or why are you why are you pumping gas to zeros? Or why are you over explaining in these emails? I've had I've had bosses do that and say, why are you even engaging in this? And I'm like, well, because they're they're putting the wrong information on this email chain with 26 people, and I have to correct it, even though they're an idiot. I have to and my boss would be like, no, you don't. Let them sit with that. And I'm like, oh God, just let them sit with that. That's impossible for me. But I think your personality might be some learned behaviors. Absolutely. And then you have to create that self-awareness. And I know we've talked today about some of the later ones, right? It's funny when somebody calls you out on how you pump gas or you know, these silly little things. But then I also think you can have self-awareness without shame. You can, if you've been in a company for a long time, I know I had to unlearn some behaviors from certain companies because there were certain people who would send you an email and you just knew it was a setup. You just knew it was a setup for something. So you might respond defensively, et cetera. And then you move on to a new company and somebody asks you a question in a similar way, and you immediately are overexplaining, and then they're like, Oh, I was just curious, you know. Oh my god, you have to unlearn those behaviors, but you can do it without shame. You can do it and go, Oh, Rebecca called me out on over-explaining in my emails. Let me take a moment and and look, am I overexplaining in this? Can I just say yes? Can I just say no? Can I say, please refer to the folder and access the resources and do it without without shame?

SPEAKER_01 24:51

Yeah. It's interesting. Shame, right? Just in general. Because I think as women, we tend to take that on immediately for things. And instead of just looking at it as being aware and being aware, as opposed to feeling the shame and the guilt from whatever is happening. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

I think when we talk about women too, we we tend to take on a lot, we say yes a little too quickly. I think I know I've done that in my career. I've said yes to way too many things, and then I'm burning the candle at both ends. And I remember one time, and I it didn't click to me until later when I took a moment to reflect. But the team I was on, the team I was leading, we had been working seven days a week for months. I mean, just months. Everybody on the team we were working. And there was one weekend we were working, we were launching a new system, and here, who was like an extension of our department, but not on my team, she kept reaching out to me and I couldn't answer her because I was working on implementing a project, and her thing was not more important than the thing I was doing that weekend. Right. She created this whole big scene about how she was working on the weekend and she didn't know what me and my team were doing, but she was working on the weekend. And did you? And I'm sitting there going, Don't react, don't react, don't react. Because I wanted to be like, oh, you worked one weekend because we've been working for three months every weekend. Have you not noticed? You know, right? And I let her create a scene and I just sort of walked away from it. I didn't defend myself in that moment because I was just exhausted. And I'm like, I don't feel like it. And then when I reflected back on that much, much later, I thought, why was that even a competition? Neither of us should have been working on the weekend. That was a failure of, that was a failure of our organization. And on top of that, that was a failure on us to continue to do it. It was a failure on me as a leader to allow my team to continue to be in that position. And you can look back and say, this is why, this is why these decisions were made. You know, there were all these things happening. You can always justify it. But when you actually take a minute to look back, you go, why were the two of us mad at each other because we weren't available on a weekend that neither of us should have been working anyway? Yeah. And I think that that realization has to happen. And then you have to look back and say, okay, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to work on boundaries, or, you know, I'm going to ask for additional resources sooner, whatever it might be.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

Yeah, it's it's funny. I had a conversation with one of my classmates earlier this week, and she had been with an organization for 10 years, and she has a little one at home and has decided that she wanted to go and do some individual counseling. And so she's got her own business and she's been independently licensed for a while. And but now she's potentially exploring other opportunities because she really wanted to go into administration with her last company, but realized there's no growth from here. The people at the top aren't leaving anytime soon. And if I want to get up there, I need to go somewhere else. And she said, and so there's like a blessing with that because in coming into an organization, she can set her boundaries from the beginning and there's not going to be any question about it. Where the other job, where she was for 10 years and evolved and grew into the director level that she was at, the expectations were there that she would be available 24-7, and that's not the life she lives now. She has boundaries. She's got a little one at home. She doesn't have the ability to reset that with the last organization. So in exploring new opportunities, now they won't know any different. And that's just how she operates. And that was a proud moment for her, for me, for her in her saying that, because yes, you set those boundaries and you don't let them get crossed. And that's what they know moving forward. Because I get it. When you evolve and grow with an organization and you've been willing to have blood, sweat, and tears for them, they don't know any different. They don't care about your boundaries now. They just want the blood, sweat, and tears.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

I think self-awareness changes everything. When you have that self-awareness, it changes everything because you can either you can laugh at yourself for the silly stuff you do. Yes. You can look back at things and go, not my proudest moment, but but not have shame about it and make decisions to do things differently. You can look back and say, wow, I was really living in this career with no boundaries. And I thought I was happy, but being in this new role and having these boundaries, I'm so much healthier, I'm so much happier, I'm more successful at work. And I just think that self-awareness, it's hard sometimes to look because we want to, we want to shame ourselves or look at things as mistakes instead of saying, oh, it was a learning opportunity. You know, we grew from that. We learned what we don't want to do, we learned what we're capable of, but we're not going to continue doing that. And you can do it without overanalyzing.

SPEAKER_01 29:52

Yeah. I mean, I'll try.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

I overanalyze everything. What is the habit that you would say you've worked on the most? Not talking over people.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

You don't want to do that. I'm sitting talking. Christian does it to me all the time. So and I try with him, but sometimes I'm just like, whoa. And then I just raise my hand so he doesn't forget that I have something to say, and I don't forget what I have to say. But and then like when I'm in meetings now and in a work environment or professional environment, I'll write down my questions so I don't forget. Because that's what that's why I would talk over people, because if I don't say it now, I'm gonna forget what I'm gonna say. So now I write it down. But yeah, that that is one thing that I have really worked on.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

And then we'd be remiss if we didn't mention your ADHD. That's a very real thing for ADHDers, right? That yeah, you jump in and I just think you're so passionate, you're so excited, you jump in with something like it's like a big holdback. I get it, I'm gonna get it out. Yes, I think the hat that I've worked on the most is done is better than perfect. Yeah. I have a very hard time, you know. Oh, I know with perfecting things because I think every every piece of work that you put out is a reflection of you. Right. And for me, if my standard is 150% every time, and everyone else is like, get it to 90, I'm like, 90. Makes me nauseous. So I've worked on that the most to say you can, you know, it's on my my board over here. Uh-huh. Let's say 80%. Yes, you have to be okay with 80%, and then you you complete the 20% later. You know, you get it up the par, but get it out, get it done first, and let the 80% help people, and then and recognizing that sometimes 80% is so much better than where you were that you can still work on the other 20. So that's definitely a habit I have worked on, yeah, you know, and continue to work on every day. Yes.

unknown 32:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

Is there a behavior that you realized wasn't helping you?

SPEAKER_01 32:20

I think that sometimes my sense of urgency will hinder me. And but that's something that I've learned too, right? And it's okay to not respond to an email right away, even though like inside kills me a little, but it's okay because in the moment, especially if there's high it's a high-stakes conversation or situation, like I definitely want to be able to take my time to respond to it with more intent than just responding, right? Yeah. 20 years ago I would respond just to respond. Now I want to be intentional about my response and make sure that it it covers everything that's being asked or whatever the case may be. But I'm saying, like, my sense of urgency because I do like to get things done quickly and have them done also so I don't have to deal with the pressures of and piling up.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

I can say well, I think I'm gonna say this and explain it a little bit, but my work ethic and my passion for finding a solution for everything. I mean, I have to have people tell me, are you coming to me just to vent or are you coming for a solution? Because if not, I will give you a solution. Yes. And I'm excited about finding a solution and fixing things and figuring out how they work and building things from scratch. And that would lead to a lack of boundaries because I would be like, I can do this, I can be the one who figures it out. You know, it's just an excitement for me personally. And then I realized, yeah, that's taken me really far and it's allowed me to be as successful as I am, but there has to be a boundary on it when you go, no, this is going too far. And if you're partnering or if you're working for or partnering with an organization and you need additional resources for it, to pause and say, if you want me to go further, it's going to require additional dollars, additional resources, additional systems, whatever it is, instead of going, no, I can figure out a way to get that done too, because before you know it, you're working seven days a week and you're burning out. So that behavior wasn't, it was helping me to a point and I needed to insert a stopping point for that. And that's something, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:26

And there's been times where I remember calling and be like, I just need to vent. I don't want a solution. I just need to vent. Let me bet you about this. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

I listen, everybody does that with me now. Family, friends, my kids, they'll be like, I just my daughter's really good about it. She'll be like, I'm gonna say something. I just want you to be on my side. I don't want you to give me a solution. I just want to vet. And like, okay, it's very difficult, but I practice it.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Yeah, I and I feel like I have a I like to solve problems too, right? So even Christian will come home and say something about his work environment, whatever. And I'm always like, we should do this, this, and this. And then he just kind of looks at me and walks away. So I don't really always give him advice, but I will give him information so that he can make better decisions.

SPEAKER_00 35:16

I think he gets frustrated because he'll come home and be like, Yeah, I'm gonna do this, this, and this at work. And I'm like, or you could do, and I spelled off a bunch of stuff, or I'm like, uh, have you considered? Because I learned how to give that feedback. Have you considered doing ABC with this? And he's like, Have you considered just listening to what I have going on?

SPEAKER_01 35:35

I'm always like, Can I give you a recommendation? Okay, no, okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:40

I used to laugh because my dad would say something growing up. He'd be like, Can I make a suggestion? And we'd be like, Oh, here comes a Jimmy suggestion. No, nobody wants your suggestion. And then I catch myself now where I'm like, Can I give you some feedback or can I make a recommendation? And I'm like, I sound like my dad. Isn't that funny?

SPEAKER_01 35:58

Like that you're the habits you pick up for your parents. I think it's hilarious. Yeah. I call my dad does it all the time. What are you doing? That that's what he says on the phone. What are you doing? So I call my mom, what are you doing? I'll be a Christian, what are you doing? Like, oh, stop it. Hi, how are you? What do you mean, what are you doing? That's how you do people on the phone.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

But so that's so funny. I think today's episode kind of kind of comes down to that, right? It's it's this realization that so many of us are carrying around these behaviors that are just, you know, we think they're who we are, but we never question where did they come from? Why do we do that? And do we do we want to continue to do that or or not, or leave it, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

Even the yelling, right? We're a house full of yellers and we talk very loud. And so Krishna always says, Why are you yelling at me? I'm like, I'm not yelling, I'm just talking. What are you talking about? When in fact, I'm sure I'm like three octaves higher than I should be or whatever. Screaming at him, I'm not yelling. This is just how I talk. What are you talking about? You know nothing.

SPEAKER_00 37:08

Like, I am passionate. Thank you for recognizing that.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

Yeah, the yelling is funny.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

So I hope for our listeners today, you've one, found some relatability in our content and that you're not alone in some of your kooky behaviors that you might do, and however they've come to be, and that two, self-awareness is key. You get to choose which behaviors serve you, which behaviors don't. Yeah. And when you reflect back on the ones that don't, don't beat yourself up about it. Just say, hey, these are things I've learned from. They they got me through certain things, and now I want to leave them there. And, you know, you get to decide what habits serve you and what habits you can laugh about and continue, and what habits you want to add to your new routine. So if you can reach out to us and share what quirky habits do you have or quirky behaviors, and also what are some habits that you've left behind or are working on as you go into the next year.

SPEAKER_01 38:09

Follow us and all your socials, NFNA Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 38:13

Until next time.